When you imagine meeting your child’s elementary school teacher, you imagine meeting a perky 30-something year old mother of 12, toting the latest Vera Bradley on her shoulder and wearing some combination of pink and green. I was never that person. Parents come in to greet me at Open House, and I can genuinely say that at some point each one of them is a little taken aback. I am not your stereotypical elementary school teacher. I have tattoos and visible ones at that (I know, gasp!); I have a nose piercing; I am eccentric with just a touch of crazy; and have been known to drive straight to the pub after a long day for a double Maker’s on the rocks. However, I am real; I am dedicated; and that is why I survived (and succeeded) in the public school system.
No one tells the story of the crazy things that go on in the public school system. It’s always “Oh I was a miracle worker with lil’ Johnny this year. When he came to me in 2nd grade, he couldn’t talk and by the end of the year, he was reciting Shakespeare.” Really??! Give me a flippin’ break. Yes, there are the occasional I-worked-my-ass-off success stories; but that is exactly what they are: success stories. There is no miracle-worker or miracle-child. You may feel like it occasionally as a teacher because something that you have been doing constantly is FINALLY sinking it; but that’s no miracle, that’s success.
I feel like all that people remember when it comes to their elementary school days are read-alouds and paper snowflakes. Education has changed drastically in the past 10-20 years. The stakes have been raised and teachers, and only the teachers, are being held accountable for how the students perform. Oh, this child comes from a project-home, didn’t have dinner last night, nor breakfast this morning? Sure we can compare him to the upper-class Susie Smith who has received every possible opportunity for success. Are those two even remotely comparable? Heck no! But I can tell you from a teacher who has taught (and still currently teaches) in the urban-environment in multiple schools where not only would you find a high percentage of minority and low-income students, but also a majority of students who come from project housing, we’re told that “you can’t look at things that way”. Heck yes I can! I’m sorry, I don’t care if your school has the same demographics; if your school is not a ‘hood school, you have not experienced the “urban” education system. If a child walks into Kindergarten and does not speak English, is it truly fair to compare him to an affluent child whose mother has been reading to him since he was in the womb? The non-English speaker is already five years behind; however, we are told that being an ESL student is no excuse to low performance on the 3rd grade Reading EOG test. Yet these students are given read-aloud modifications during the Math EOG. How does that make any sense? So no, back to my original point, elementary school is no longer read-alouds, paper snowflakes, and nap time. Elementary school is a ruthless war zone where administrators are fighting each other; principals are pushing teachers who are just trying to keep their head above water; the same teachers who are juggling eight different things all while riding a unicycle downhill ... or so it seems. And I am here to share my stories of some of the many, many crazy things I have seen during my teaching experience; things so insane, that my second year in, I turned to my friend Lindsay and said “We’ve got to start filming this; we would be the next big reality TV show.” She just laughed, but I knew that she knew it was true.
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